My last post to Indusladies.

Some parents do the nastiest disservice to parenthood when they forcefully remind their sons about the ‘sacrifices’ they made for giving birth to him and raising him and in return, demand absolute obedience from him for life long. Absolute obedience means saying YES to every single thing they say and do; not having any one else in the focus of his life other than his parents and their favorite other kids, especially not his wife; at least keep mum and neutral if not actively participate and help the parents when they neglect, marginalize, alienate, abuse and insult his wife and her parents. Failing any one of these will make him a ‘bad son’ the idea of which our society as well as media profusely proliferate in the name of culture.

However, some parents are better as they, let the bad son go eventually with a regular dose of reminders of his badness. Some are not so kind. They, specially mothers, use all their might as mothers, put every single thing she possesses as a mother, to use be it the breast milk she fed 30 years back or the fear that mother’s curse so very powerful and continue to do so till the son breaks down and she can snatch her right of being mother, namely absolute right over him and everything that belongs to him.

My mil is such a mother. Those who have seen my earlier posts, know my family dynamics. I don’t want to repeat them here as that will make me re-live the hell once more.

Recently when my mil left my place for il place she declared she will not come back as she prefers to be alone and die alone than being ‘slave to an outsider’. When, after hearing that, the son didn’t offer to change anything, she cursed him openly and left. Within a month of going back, came a call from my fil at night that mil said she will go for the first train in the morning in nearby station for committing suicide. We frantically called them and all others around to make sure the attempt is thwarted. She made such a hint earlier once when we called her on her birthday and sent her multiple gifts by post. However, within a week of that came another call from fil saying mil is very very sick, is saying nothing but ‘son, son’ and refusing food and water. We flew there urgently and fil told we are responsible for her impending death and the entire extended family including my sil over phone castigated dh for his ‘inhumanity’ until dh completely broke down. A devastated dh told me to back off and let mother have her way. After all how long will she live. (she is 61).

So it was arranged. Next week we flew back with ils. By now mil had completely recovered. And she set her rules very clearly. She is NOT to be told anything by the ‘outsider girl’ at her ‘own’ home. And so is it since then. For a month now, the system in my home is just as it was in the beginning, except that now mil does not look in my direction and does not talk to me unless absolutely necessary and mentions me to my dh as ‘your wife’. Mil runs the house, the kitchen, my kids, her son and husband with absolute authority. Maid is given special instruction to listen ONLY to her, kids are being given extra incentive to LOVE their grandma more than any one else, her son is being showered by love and care and he looks rather relieved now, though he feels bad that he could not ensure good for his wife.

I have somehow, lost the ability to even feel anything. I feel so numb. M completely drained out and have no intention to fight this monster any more. My job allows for transfer to other cities. If necessary, I will leave the city and move to another with, if possible, one of my kids, though that will be my last option as I don’t want to be away from my four year old kids. I also feel bad for my dh who fought for me till he could. Thank you Indusladies, and all you fine ladies out there, for making me feel, even if for a short while that I too matter and I can fight any evil with my own righteousness. Couldn't have left without a final word with you here. Hence this post. But now, I give up, totally and will not take it up with any one anymore. I do not want to contest in this family game any more, so I bid goodbye to this forum with thanks again with this last post of mine. Stay blessed.

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My last post to Indusladies.