My prayers are with you for peace of mind. I understand your emotions very well and unfortunately, your emotions are normal. Having married for 3.5 years and already have kid, I suggest you should have a serious conversation with your husband. If I were you, I would mention the following:
1) If family as a whole has to forgive the actions of your FIL, he should immediately stop his affair and apologize to the whole family. If he decides to continue the affair, the family has to disown him completely.
2) Your husband should apologize to you for not declaring all these mess to you earlier. His action violated the trust you had in him. He should disclose exactly how much he spent on his father's debt so far and how much more is left.
3) If your FIl decides to continue his affair, you have to demand that your husband and MIL should severe their connection with him. They both behaved irresponsibly when they did not intervene to stop your FIL's affair.
4) Please tell your husband that your decision to stay with the family is dependent on his decision to properly deal with your FIL's affair. Status quo is not acceptable. It is a bad precedence for your child and hence you may have to make a hard decision.
5) Give your husband specific time frame to let you know his decision. If he decides to continue status quo or unable to agree to your terms, you may have to make a hard decision to get out of this toxic environment which is not conducive for your kid.
I hope I have not said anything that is hurtful. God bless you to come out of this situation soon.
Viswa
FIL has an affair from the past 7 years
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