Where does this ends?

I always believed that marriage is sacred and our spouses are chosen by god. I always told myself that my bad days and marital problems will somehow go away. I thought all my miseries and heartaches are temporary. Today, I came to a breaking point.

I have done enough but people expect more and more of me. I feel like carcass waiting to be eaten by vultures. Everyone wants a piece of me.

I had a rough day. Bad day at work and usual financial problem. Sleepless night, baggy eyes and not forgetting dark circles around my eyes. I am in my mid thirties but I look years older. I've known little peace and happiness from the day I was married. I always told myself, whatever problems that I face shall pass and I am strong and can overcome anything. But everyone has their weak point....

My MIL came with my husbands SIL. She demanded an answer for delaying her monthly allowance. The came uninvited and with intention to fight. I was a little disturbed with my other gazillion issues when they came. Looked like a WWF tag team. I was alone and defenceless as I know my DH would never back up me. As I was going through some hard times, something took over me and I almost became possessed. I screamed at them for demanding money when I was having so much trouble saving my DH from his debts. One thing led to another....my MIL, SIL and I exchanged some nasty words. I was a topper, I was possessed , remember?. They were shocked as I they have never seen me loose my temper. I chased them away from my house and slammed the door on their face. DH's SIL shouted outside my house. My neighbours heard everything and one particular neighbour loves such quarrels and I am sure she called all the other neighbours and shared the news.

When I came to my senses, I realised that I went down to their level and behaved cheaply! My parents didnt raise me that way. I was struct with guilt! I begin to ask myself, do I deserve to be treated in such way after all I have done? Where does this ends? My DH with his never ending debt saga, my money minded MIL will never get satisfied and now she has a partner. Where do I stand?. I tried to end my life many times but backed off thinking about my son. Now I am thinking very hard, pain and suffering is all I have known. I am tired , very tired of hoping for the impossible. Maybe I should take some rest.

I felt like sharing. I can only do that in IL.

Peace.....why does that word sound so strange to me?

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Where does this ends?