hello lovely ladies... time has come to take advises from you all as I am little concerned and want to avoid unnecessary arguments..
some background
I am almost 3 year married women .. it was a love marriage... I stayed with in laws back in India before coming here for more than 2 months right after wedding and i get to know their different shades.. before wedding they seems to be very liberal and open minded and my relation with them were very nice. DH has one younger brother who is doctor but not working as he was preparing for his further study in medicine from usa at that time.. FIL stop working since 8-9 yrs.MIL is a home maker.so basically DH was only earner in the family. they have no good house to live so DH bought a house. when he went India for engagement in 2011 he stuck there for visa issues and both the families decides to arrange wedding. by that time everything was fine... due to the money problem I told them not to buy gold for me.. I bought very cheap lehanga n sarees for my self just to save money.. DH bought very less for him but his family seems they dont care about anything... they were not thinking at all if he never got visa then what.. MIL bought jewellery for her, FIl bought car.. BIL bought many suits.. and they planned wedding so lavishly just to show their relatives .. they started loosing respect in my life and DH had nothing in his hand except the loans from friends, luckily his visa issue resolved 10days prior to wedding if not, dont know where we will be. money I got from my family for furniture they bought theirs as well... infect they bought me very sub standard things.. money which i got as a gift from my side people FIL took that as well.. if i give something to MIL just to keep she just forget to return.. if I want to give something to my cousin BIL, BIL have always eye on it and even in front of them he restrict me to do so. instead of giving reception party from their side they invite 800 people in the wedding party which my parents were sponsoring .. MIL keeps asking my parents for sending money for sweets which she had to give in her relatives saying it should be from DIL's side but she always took money and never gave sweets to her relatives.. there are so many such incidents. basically these are people who revolve around money. DH never gave me their correct information infect he always tried to mingle things up.. he always try to justify things.without a major fight he can not accept flows of his family. when i came to usa , BIL came with me to prepare for his medical study and giving exams and interviews.. he is the most selfish and self centered guy.. in his first attempt he stuck in his interview ,he stayed with us for 1 and half year and sometimes he behaves like by studying further he actually giving favor to us. we left with no money till he was here.. prepaying for exams .. traveling for interviews and above all these things MIL, FIL and relative were forcing us for baby... when I came here I used to call ILS every 4-5 days.. and relative every 20-25 days.. on each call everybody asking for good news... I was just fade up of replying them sweetly and telling them that we are not ready because of the expenses.. DH have to run 2 houses. one is here one in India, home loan and above all BIL's study which is draining all the money.I stop frequently calling them.. make it one week then 10 days then 15 days ... stopped calling relative except occasions.. FIL gave me lectures about having a baby and he was shouting for 1/2 hr continuously and that was my limit... I stopped calling that frequently again and I started avoiding him. when I was in India MIL make me do everything at the name of her MIL that is Grandmaa.. like I used to wear saree all the time at home... she said Maa wont feel good if you wear anything else.. I didnt mind much as I thought she is genuinely saying that and even I wont be living my entire life there. After a while I realized that she always make me do all the thing at the name of other people particularly grandmaa.. being an honest and straight forward person i didnt like her idea. she is a kind of person who always accusing somebody for something... always barking about her sils..their kids and everybody around her even in one incident she justified one of her SIL's physical abuse by her husband.. how could one woman think like that even for her worst enemy.. she used to indirectly threatened me by saying I am good for people who behaves well with me and worst for people who behaves bad with me.. she told DH to tell me not to lock my closet and give her keys just before few hrs I had to left .. which make a huge drama... she made me wash my plate at her sil's house just because i was in periods.. her sister back bite about me to DH that I misbehaved with FIL.. I really got hurt as I really had very good relation with her. anyways I keep quite and came here although slowly these people getting off from my life... I was just maintaining a relation as a DIL. one day MIL called and made me to talk to her neighbor .. she asked me about baby and all without saying hi- hello .. started suggesting ideas... that was the limit.. i told her harshly that you are interfering in my life.. she gave back phone to MIL and she started again... giving me some totka for baby.. I shouted at her saying thats why I am avoiding you people .. you dont understand your line,I had so much buildup accumulating within me, it just overflown. the funny part is that by that time we did nt even tried for a baby and she is giving me a totka... a graduate and a not so old lady( 50 yrs) giving a totka.. further I got to know from my friends that totka is for a baby boy.. incredible.. DH who always justified for his family this time he does nt have anything to justify.I can not stand her .. whenever I have to talk to her my 2-3 days goes in depression.. i wake up thinking about her..
just a vent and need some suggestion..
some background
I am almost 3 year married women .. it was a love marriage... I stayed with in laws back in India before coming here for more than 2 months right after wedding and i get to know their different shades.. before wedding they seems to be very liberal and open minded and my relation with them were very nice. DH has one younger brother who is doctor but not working as he was preparing for his further study in medicine from usa at that time.. FIL stop working since 8-9 yrs.MIL is a home maker.so basically DH was only earner in the family. they have no good house to live so DH bought a house. when he went India for engagement in 2011 he stuck there for visa issues and both the families decides to arrange wedding. by that time everything was fine... due to the money problem I told them not to buy gold for me.. I bought very cheap lehanga n sarees for my self just to save money.. DH bought very less for him but his family seems they dont care about anything... they were not thinking at all if he never got visa then what.. MIL bought jewellery for her, FIl bought car.. BIL bought many suits.. and they planned wedding so lavishly just to show their relatives .. they started loosing respect in my life and DH had nothing in his hand except the loans from friends, luckily his visa issue resolved 10days prior to wedding if not, dont know where we will be. money I got from my family for furniture they bought theirs as well... infect they bought me very sub standard things.. money which i got as a gift from my side people FIL took that as well.. if i give something to MIL just to keep she just forget to return.. if I want to give something to my cousin BIL, BIL have always eye on it and even in front of them he restrict me to do so. instead of giving reception party from their side they invite 800 people in the wedding party which my parents were sponsoring .. MIL keeps asking my parents for sending money for sweets which she had to give in her relatives saying it should be from DIL's side but she always took money and never gave sweets to her relatives.. there are so many such incidents. basically these are people who revolve around money. DH never gave me their correct information infect he always tried to mingle things up.. he always try to justify things.without a major fight he can not accept flows of his family. when i came to usa , BIL came with me to prepare for his medical study and giving exams and interviews.. he is the most selfish and self centered guy.. in his first attempt he stuck in his interview ,he stayed with us for 1 and half year and sometimes he behaves like by studying further he actually giving favor to us. we left with no money till he was here.. prepaying for exams .. traveling for interviews and above all these things MIL, FIL and relative were forcing us for baby... when I came here I used to call ILS every 4-5 days.. and relative every 20-25 days.. on each call everybody asking for good news... I was just fade up of replying them sweetly and telling them that we are not ready because of the expenses.. DH have to run 2 houses. one is here one in India, home loan and above all BIL's study which is draining all the money.I stop frequently calling them.. make it one week then 10 days then 15 days ... stopped calling relative except occasions.. FIL gave me lectures about having a baby and he was shouting for 1/2 hr continuously and that was my limit... I stopped calling that frequently again and I started avoiding him. when I was in India MIL make me do everything at the name of her MIL that is Grandmaa.. like I used to wear saree all the time at home... she said Maa wont feel good if you wear anything else.. I didnt mind much as I thought she is genuinely saying that and even I wont be living my entire life there. After a while I realized that she always make me do all the thing at the name of other people particularly grandmaa.. being an honest and straight forward person i didnt like her idea. she is a kind of person who always accusing somebody for something... always barking about her sils..their kids and everybody around her even in one incident she justified one of her SIL's physical abuse by her husband.. how could one woman think like that even for her worst enemy.. she used to indirectly threatened me by saying I am good for people who behaves well with me and worst for people who behaves bad with me.. she told DH to tell me not to lock my closet and give her keys just before few hrs I had to left .. which make a huge drama... she made me wash my plate at her sil's house just because i was in periods.. her sister back bite about me to DH that I misbehaved with FIL.. I really got hurt as I really had very good relation with her. anyways I keep quite and came here although slowly these people getting off from my life... I was just maintaining a relation as a DIL. one day MIL called and made me to talk to her neighbor .. she asked me about baby and all without saying hi- hello .. started suggesting ideas... that was the limit.. i told her harshly that you are interfering in my life.. she gave back phone to MIL and she started again... giving me some totka for baby.. I shouted at her saying thats why I am avoiding you people .. you dont understand your line,I had so much buildup accumulating within me, it just overflown. the funny part is that by that time we did nt even tried for a baby and she is giving me a totka... a graduate and a not so old lady( 50 yrs) giving a totka.. further I got to know from my friends that totka is for a baby boy.. incredible.. DH who always justified for his family this time he does nt have anything to justify.I can not stand her .. whenever I have to talk to her my 2-3 days goes in depression.. i wake up thinking about her..
Now I am planning to visit India during which i will be visiting in laws place for 10 days .. i am confused about how to avoid arguments.. as FIL is always at home he is the most irritating person of all.. MIL is always barking about somebody.. i am going there just to spend some time with grandmaa but dont want to take headaches. even MIL and FIL never asked once in 2 and half yrs to come though BIL visiting them 4th time soon( 3 time on DH's expences). I am sure she will insisted me to visit her sister who bitching about me.. I dont want to see her. plz suggest me some strategies ladies.
You Might Find These Useful:
just a vent and need some suggestion..
Aucun commentaire:
Enregistrer un commentaire