vent and advice

I have an overbearing MIL. She likes to control every small decision of our lives including what my husband and I are going to do, where are going on vacation, who are we going on dinner with, how much money we should spend on personal expenses, etc. She also likes to control how I spend my time. For example, If I am reading a booking after completing all household chores (I also work full time); she likes to point out something else I should do-"it seems you have free time. Why dont you clean out this closet?"

In addition, I have an overbearing SIL. She is constant contact with my husband and MIL to get all the details about our lives. What did we cook, etc. and will comment on everything..."how come she made only dal and rice today...she should have made something more elaborate for mom and dad"

Over the last few years, I have had to push back and assert myself to be able to do some things my way. During the process, I went through lot of insults, and felt alone as my husband did not always back me up. Even when he has backed me up on few things, (because I overheard him) to my face he will say 'Mom is right.'

Now this morning he started some rant about how his mom is such a caring and loving soul. And I almost choked on my food listening to that as I have been through a lot with her and she has made my life my miserable by constantly making me do household chores and not giving me a minute to myself. So I started giving some examples, of the kind of stuff she has done...like making me clean, cook dinner plus make snacks...all of it after I come home from work at 9 p.m.; or expecting me to cook even when I am unwell.

The mamma's boy said its not a big deal, and its a womans duty to do household chores and I should get over the past. It made me so mad this morning that I told him exactly what I though of his mother: "a mean, selfish, self centered person."

He started shaking and completely shut down after and has not been talking to me. But friends, for years I have gone through a lot of pain due to his mother. she has caused many fights between me and my husband through manipulation. And he still like to rant that she is such a saint.

1. I get irritated when the MIL tries to be friendly or caring in front of other people/guests when she is mean to the core when we are alone...how do I deal with that

2. Husband makes constant comments on how wonderful his mother is. I know the truth. So I get really mad.

Any suggestions?

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vent and advice