I am so happy that 2014 is gone ...... they say it doesn't matter how you starts, it matters how you finished, and I'm happy that 2014 ended on a positive note.
In 2014 I had written a post on how to behave during next matrimonial correspondence, and now I realize, even after people mistreat you and betray you, the best thing you can do is move on and still have a gentle heart.
I would like to re-write the corrected post in hopes to help other ladies who are going through similar situations, or are healing:
#1
Before
Answer questions to the point. If someone asks you yes or no question, answer with yes or no, do not add extra details.
After
Answer questions fully and honestly. There is nothing more attractive than raw, honest emotion. What's the point of marrying someone if you will clam up all the time. Even if marriage is "arranged" for financial security, you are going to have to open up sometime.
#2
Before
Do not tell the prospective grooms your ambitions. They might get jealous and subconsciously plan to side-line you if in fact you do get married. My ex made me feel stupid and was threatened by my strengths.
After
If you are truly passionate about something, and dream of achieving something, it is your obligation and duty to share that with the prospective groom. They must know your true self from the beginning. You need to then open your eyes to see how the prospective groom will react. I believe if you are happy and excited about something, then somehow God will bring you the man of your dreams to encourage you.
#3
Before
Love your children first, yourself second, your parents third, your husband fourth. In my last marriage, my ex and in-laws didn't care about me during pregnancy, didn't even ask how I was, and could care less if I would abort the child or not. At the end my parents were with me.
After
Love God first, your children second, yourself third, your husband fourth, your parents fifth, etc. Of course, if your parents have any suspicions about your husband, listen fully, and don't close your eyes to anything. If there is a misunderstanding, better to clear it. If it turns out your husband is doing wrong, then ask God for help. But you have to enter into marriage in good faith, that your spouse is above your parents. Marriage is when two become one.
#4
Before
People enjoy your misery. This goes back to first lesson, answer to the point, don't pour your heart out to relatives.
After
Well, focus on what makes you happy. God is always with you. Be your own best friend, find activities you like. By this, how can you find time to be miserable. And meditation is a great balm for misery because you are quieting your mind and opening your heart to what God is trying to tell you.
#5
Before
You tell others how to treat you. Near the time of my marriage I felt like a piece of sh## because there was another alliance I liked 100 times more, but my elders rejected because he seemed to intelligent for me, and it would take more time to dig information about him, and my parents had a medical emergency and were scared of dying before I got married.
Even thought I liked my then soon-to-be, I couldn't help but think about this other alliance, and how I was not smart enough, and if I had been smart like so-and-so's daughter, then I can marry him without extra digging.
And because I felt like sh##, my ex sensed this and started to treat me like sh##.
After
If you ever feel like sh##, remind yourself that God made you in His image, and God loves you no matter what. And when you feel like sh##, and you are not worthy of love, that is when God loves you most. God is most powerful force, ask him for help when you are in trouble, He will help you overcome all obstacles.
#6
Before
Your heart will never betray you. After I got rid of my ex, I kept thinking of that alliance my family rejected and was wondering, about all the what-ifs. What if this, what if that. Now, only God can unite me with this match if he was the right person, otherwise He will give me someone better.
After
Yes, I still agree, heart will never betray you. But if you want to pursue matrimonial alliance with someone, always involve God. Say to God, "I know that if this person is worthy, if he will be good Husband and excellent Father, then I know you are bringing both of us together"
#7
Before
Dress to impress yourself. Before, I was dressing, wearing weird things in the hopes that my then-husband would like me. I don't like skinny jeans, but that's what I wore but he didn't care. Now, I dress very modestly, the way I like.
After
There is a time and place to wear things. When I go on honeymoon, I plan to wear skinny jeans, or even leggings with sweater that barely covers my bottoms, and heels that are beautiful yet comfortable to walk in. And I plan to wear sexy makeup that will drive my Husband wild
#8
Before
Don't badmouth your ex. If the prospective groom asks specific questions, only answer. And badmouthing is the kiss of death, because the prospective groom will see you can negative and might be subconsciously sympathetic to your abusive ex (he said, she said)
After
I still agree, but if your prospective groom still insists on knowing, try to make a joke out of it, i.e. "I flushed him down the toilet"
#9
Before
Think of MIL and other In-Laws as Management for a company where you work. If they do something like gift you with jewelry only to take it away, or God-knows what else, just take it in stride. Play the game.
After
Well, I still think to take it in stride. But we are a team, who knows they may be helpful in raising my children. Not sure how to approach this, just have a positive outlook that crying is at night, but joy comes in the morning, and that people can always turn a new leaf.
#10
Before
Marry someone you are attracted to. My ex was tall and handsome, and I was thrilled to marry him, but there was little chemistry (which was probably a sign of things to come). If you're not attracted to the person you are going to marry, then you must have some other reason for going into this, and staying committed.
After
I still agree with this. Do not settle. There are many attractive people out there that God sets us up with, through parents who do "arranged marriage", or through people you happen to "bump into"
Happy New Year --- How to Soften Heart for Matrimony
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