So I think you all are my safe place to share how I feel and ask for suggestions.
There have always been small things about my husband and him mom's relation that has bothered me. During their first visit to USA, she was siting in the back seat, and I reminded her to wear her seat belt, saying, it is the rule - or the cops will pull us over. She cried and made a deal to my husband saying, am I a criminal, why is your wife talking like that? what did your parents teach her. I was so shocked - I could not say a thing. My husband yelled at me in the car, to pacify his mom, and asked her to sit in the front, and sent FIL to the back seat. From then on, every-time she is here, front seat is hers. in the last 2 years they have been here for 12 months and this is their 3rd visit!! so I am losing my patience, along with the fact that I am pregnant now, and still my husband wants to pamper her in everyway!!
Once we were in a mall, and my son was 1 year old, and had pooped his diaper. I told my husband, can you come with me to the restroom, and to help with changing the diaper. he is a super active boy! my MIL says, "what does he know. you be here" and turns to FIL and says... "why dont you go to help" and my husband just stood there and dint say a word.
Once, when in India, while returning home from temple, my husband, completely forgot that his wife wearing saree was carrying his 12 month old son and a heavy diaper bag. their house is on the 4th floor with no elevator. he accompanied his mom and was gone! when I reached the house panting for breath, with the baby.. I let him know I was upset. and he says, she is old and emotional, and hence he had to accompany her! When I mentioned this incident to a friend, she said, you should have take a taxi and gone to the airport. In hindsight, I think she was right.
Even in US, she wants to sit next to him in restaurants. sit next to him, practically glued to him on the couch. massages his head everyday. calls him nanu... really? 35 year old man?... she has two other boys... and behaves same way with them too. they are both not married! I pity their wives... when they do.
The other issue is that both my BIL, inspite of being 38 and 33 are not settled. We sponsored for MBA for the older BIL 2 years ago in Europe, and he still hasnt found a job. My younger BIL is going to school now in US and we got a loan for his education as well. My MIL acts like it is my husbands duty to take care of her brothers, and slowly feeds the idea into his brain everyday... about duties and family and brother's bond.
Me and my husband are both self made, came to US for masters, worked our way through school, had scholarships and have very good careers. So, I find their behavior very irresponsible. And on top of this, when she acts like everything in the house is earned by her Son - it drives me nuts. coz we both actually work hard to have this life!!
Seeing all this I am weary of letting my son too close to her. I know she loves him and takes care of him well, but, in my reasoning, I have already lost my husband to her. I dont want my son put her first as well! (I know I am jealous) And seeing these things has made me also resolve to NEVER make my son a mama's boy. I would hate to have another girl always think that they are second in their husbands life!
And recently, they are expressing desire to move to US permanently. after we becomes citizens. when I heard that I was shocked.
As patient as I am, I don't think I want to live life permanently like this. And I told my husband, I will never make you choose me over your mom. I don't think it is fair to make a person choose by force. So, at that point, I see our relationship just crashing and going different ways. It is sad, but I believe it is true. or maybe it is the pregnancy hormones. I guess time will tell.
Thank you for listening to my long rants.
Mil
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