I have been married for almost 1 year & it was an arranged marriage. Currently I am staying with my husband FIL, MIL & younger SIL. This marriage was fixed by my faher & I assumed he has checked all the regular details (The general enquiry which is done before arranged marriage). Only after 2 days after wedding my MIL started showing her true colors. She told me that they are facing lot of financial problems currently & told me about how she does not get along with her own MIL & SIL (Her MIL stays alone at native place with a caretaker for which all the expenses are paid by my FIL’s Sister). Before marriage I was told that my FIL lost his job & then my MIL had taken care of all the family by doing job. Slowly I learned that the job she was referring to was nothing else but that of a Maid. (I do not have any problems with any kind of jobs as long as its done with respect but it was quite shocking to me as I had completely different picture portrayed in front of me ). I also came to know about the Loan which was taken up by my husband & family habit of taking loans very often. The property they showed as their's was in the name of FIL's sister.
I was very naïve & accepted it as my fortune & offered all the support to the family. I joined back to work immediately. My husband earns about 35K & gives all his salary to his mom who runs the house. She made it very clear that the family has no savings & are all the salary earned by husband is spent completely. I still accepted it & decided that I will put my salary in savings for our future which was also agreed by my husband. When my first pay check (after marriage)came, my MIL made a huge drama about how I am not informing them about my finances & only speaking to my husband !! She also cried & banged her head saying she is so helpless coz her husband never earned & her DIL is not giving her a respect..
I am earning about 20K & she straightaway asked me to give about 10K to her for every month. My husband also told me to do so & I agreed.
Now the story does not end here, one day she asked me how much of savings I am doing coz she wanted some more money for a festival & when I told her that it is in the fixed policy she made even bigger drama.
My SIL is suffering form Seizures & she is a college drop out. My MIL treats everyone like a child & has never allowed my H or his Sis to take any decisions on their own.My FIL leaves in the shell ( He is treated worst than a dog by SIL & MIL). Both MIL & SIL have anger issues & they get a fit of range whenever something does not go as per their own wishes. MIL is also very manipulative & is full of cheap talks. My husband is typical mommas boy who has never seen a outside world. Have no guts & always been reminded of how his mom has raised him with so many difficulties.
I have always been a positive girl who truly believes that happiness & peacefulness are the most important things in the life & I cant find both in their house. My MIL does not allow me to cook or do any work on my own (I can do work only when she orders ) eg. If I start washing vessels in the morning then she will tell me stop as she has some other work scheduled in the kitchen at that time but will shout at me & will ask me to wash vessels some other day, around the same time.
She have always accused me of various things : That I have separated her son from her, I tell her son complaints about them & demand for a separate house, I lie to her, I don’t share anything with her about my family, whenever I am late from office she questions me about my whereabouts & I have seen my FIL following me in the morning time as well as hiding behind a bus stop to follow me coming back home in the evening time.
I am never informed anything happening in their life (Not that i am interested) & am always clueless about everything happening around house. I am really tired of all the accusations,lies & me living like a paying guest in their house. All my stuff is always checked in my absence,my cell phone is checked daily by my MIL. I do not talk much to my husband as well coz whenever i have told him something innocently he has told it to his mom & she has twisted it & used against me. She is always complaining about me to her son & gets angry because he does not do anything. She believes that whole world is against her & it revolves around herself & her daughter. Even if someone laughs at half KM radius she will be sure that they are laughing on herself /her daughter/son.
I am feeling very hopeless & have tried my best & given 100% but i cant do it anymore.I have thought about committing suicide but i am not a coward. My husband will never stay away from his parents. I really think that i should get separated from him. There is no happiness,no peace, no security. my future is at stake in this relationship. Nobody talks with me in the house. MIL 7 FIL make faces everyday when i wakeup & when i come back from work, all this while i have never replied back to her & always kept my calm. I am very calm & quite person who does not like quarrels & they are taking advantage of it.
My Parents are non supportive. My father is more concerned about his reputation in the society & will never agree to support me in case of separation. Mom may support silently. I have had enough though, please girls help me.. I really can not stay in that house anymore, i need respect & trust from my In laws & its impossible. No relative from either of their side (MIL or FIL) have ever visited the house.
I am thinking about shifting to ladies hostel, but really need your help & support. please help me if i am making a right decision. I have tried to write this thing withaout much of emotional drama. please pour in your suggestions.
Help Please.. Need to take decision !
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