Please share your opinion/experience

Hello Ladies,

I would like to get your opinion about something that has been in my mind for a while. IMO this is also a very common thing happening in especially Indian families. I am not sure if this topic was discussed before.

How do you ladies handle grown up men (relatives like uncles, granddads, family friends etc) pampering your children (esp little girls) by hugging, kissing etc? Are you comfortable in general with that? Do you speak up only if you feel your child is uncomfortable? I am not taking about sexual abuse. I hope you can understand what I am talking about here. It is about men (other than dad) hugging/kissing your children as a sign of showing their love.

I have a baby boy. I do not mind my dad, cousin brothers, maternal uncle hugging/kissing him. I only see pure love in that. Having said that if my boy doesnt like it (once he can express himself) I will certainly back him and at the same time will make sure I dont hurt the feelings of my loved ones.

I myself have faced this couple of times.

(1) When I was 7 years old (my sis was 5) we visited our relative’s home along with our mom. That couple do not have children even after several years of marriage and the uncle is very fond of little kids. So he was literally showering kisses on both of us(it was nonstop the entire time we were there) and we were very very uncomfortable. From what I remember he was a very good person and I dont think he had any evil thoughts in his heart. After we came home, I and my sis told our mom that we will never visit them again. My mom too felt uncomfortable during the whole time but could not speak up. I dont recall even my dad kissing us in our cheeks at that age. Of course we hug our dad even now.

(2) This is a weird situation. I faced this 3 years before. My DH's uncle (husband of MIL's elder sis) has this strange (rather disgusting) habit of hugging tight and kissing grown up women in their cheeks while welcoming or saying good bye to them. I have seen him doing this to all my DH's grown up (who are in their 20s) cousin sisters. I really dont know how to interpret this. He tried doing this to me during our last India visit in front of my DH. I distanced myself and never allowed it. My DH was furious and said he could talk to him about it. I said that it is not required. Well, I am not a little girl and I can very well defend myself in this situation. Moreover it is not like he is doing it by force. It was more like a casual gesture and he can do it only if the other lady cooperates. Anyway this is very weird to us and I hate it. Coincidentally this uncle and aunt do not have any children. It was obvious to me that my DH's cousin sisters were not comfortable when their uncle did this to them. But in the name of 'obedience to elders/not talking back to elders' they remained silent. We will never bring up our children like this. They have to talk back/defend themselves when they dont like something no matter whoever is there in the receiving end. If we are present there of course we will back our kids.

I would like to hear similar experiences from you all and how you handled it (for yourself/for your kids).

P.S: @Guesswho - I recently read in one of your posts where you mentioned that age deserves consideration but not respect and that Respect should be earned. I really liked it very much. I also admire you how beautifully you have presented your thoughts in words. I am not very good in writing even though my thinking is in the same line as yours (about almost everything )

Love,

Sandhya.

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Please share your opinion/experience