The cry of an Indian Daughter

The doctor is scrutinizing the scan. “It is a baby girl” she says. I jump withjoy. I imagine myself as a plump little girl with puffy cheeks fondled and cuddled by one and all in the family. Even this imaginary happiness is shortlived. My mother’s face grows dim and dark and she starts lamenting aloud on the outcome of the scan.

There is a visible threat. Yes, the battle has started with myself still in the womb. Whenever my mother and grandma talk about terminating me, I, the foetus, tremble with fear. I know for sure that the agony and anxiety will be a part of my life throughout. My mother may refuse to nurse me. Who knows she may dripple a few drops of oleander sap in my mouth for setting a death trap.

Now everything is very clear. Survival of a female child in a patriarchal society is a challenge. The birth of a boy is stated to guarantee ascension to heaven, whereas the girl signifies the beginning of financial ruin.Everyone says that twists and turns are parts of life. But the entire life of a woman from womb to tomb is nothing but a bundle of twists and turns, toils and turmoils.

The modern woman is expected to be smart and humble, strong but feminine, tough yet yielding, assertive and docile, well earning but financially dependent, educated and unauthoritative.

Is it a force of dominance? Is it a force of baser instinct? Is it the insensitivity of the Government? Is it the lacuna in judiciary? Intellectuals are analysing and analysing.

Why such a fear in a foetus?Listen to the horrible experience of my cousin aged 38.

The treacherous eyes that followed my skirt riding up when I cycled to school at age 13?

The times boys at school made fun of and bullied me for my loud voice and confident demeanor (ladki kidhar hai? (Where is the girl?) You are a boy, they said - since no other girl would behave the way you do!)?

The long years of public travel in India, where almost every single day I was either stripped visually, followed home, had my bottom pinched, so many lustful glances flashed in front of me, had a hand brushed against my breast or an endearing hit on my backside in a crowded bus?

That one time I dared to get into the general compartment of a Local train (after I saw two other women sitting with their husbands and kids - you know you have to be careful!!) and a man in full view of everyone started harassing me - The rage I felt when I was the only one screaming and standing up for myself without any support from onlookers??

That I really count my blessings knowing how lucky I was to not have gotten acid thrown on me or gang-raped when I slapped a few of these repulsive excuses for a human being?

The guys who wanted to date me but were 'honest and virtuous' enough to tell me that I was not marriage material since my independence and strong opinions were not something they wanted in their wives?

My dad was openly accused of not having arranged for my marriage.

The times when (well meaning??!!) relatives and friends told me to have trim look, or dress better, get a makeover, speak a certain way learn to COMPROMISE if I ever want to 'settle down'..!

The helpless sadness I felt and still do, when I have to argue with my mom for going out to meet friends and know will be later than 10:30 or 11 pm - Or that the agonising fact that she will not sleep due to worry, until I get home which made me cancel many a plans..??

The colleague who, when his wife was away propositioned me - since I am a 30 something single woman, with no prospects for marriage and he could offer me the SUPPORT that I am sure to need??

The countless whispers in the office corridor when I got a promotion about how I got it only because I was friendly with the customers (you know what that means!) and not because of my capability or hard work??

The countless men who don't speak to my eyes but to my chest!!???

That as a woman, I DO NOT have the right to be ME – and I should just kill myself fitting into a round hole despite being square!!???

That some men I did talk about these things to, did not hesitate to call me a ‘cold-hearted Feminist ’

That I know these are not experiences unique to Me, but to countless other (if not every!) woman out there?

That what I've outlined here is just the tip of the sordid Iceberg, which when scratched will show what a stinking, blackhole of a Culture we claim to have - revering female deities, but not hesitating to indulge in female foeticide or killing in name of honour!!

That I think - 'India's Daughter' is a myth?

That India only (pretends to?!) cares if it's 'my' daughter, 'my' wife, 'my' sister or 'my' mother..

Every other girl/ woman out there is 'maal', 'item', ?

Such being the reality,the opinions of the rapists or lawyers are never shocking.


This is something that has been seen, heard and been told all through life..

Maybe the language was polished, maybe the intentions were pure and came from a place of concern - but the message was just the same!!!!

But there have been wonderful men who have always stood with us.

It was the brilliant Vedic era when Indian woman was honoured as goddess Lakshmi, Durga and Saraswati and put on the pedestals of glory. And so went the saying 'Yatra Naryastu Pujyante, Ramante Tatra Devta' - where woman are worshiped, God resides.

With the advent of civilisation, rules changed, norms changed, even the dogmas, so did the society with human values taking a strident turn .. The 'Nari tu Narayani' woman worshipped as goddess turned out to be a slave in the hands of her male counterparts, faced social taboos and even indignations. Gradually she started losing her liberty, priority and liabilities. In fact she started losing her own identity in the course of time and became mere puppets dancing to the tunes of the patriarchs. The whole permutation and combination of that golden era changed resulting in the outcome of chaotic patriarchal society which blurred the human values to a great extent.

. The sole reason being the mindset of woman which was moulded according to the theories imposed upon her by the so called 'Elites'. She started realising herself as the 'frail' being, succumbed to her fate and the repercussion thereof was that she got humiliated, pestered and subjugated. She lost the whole lot of herself in the sands of time. A lot of women started nurturing patriarchal values--continuing till date.

.

It is a hypocrisy saying 'The hands that rock the cradle, rules the world' or truth? Women can conquer and outshine men but every time her dominance is inhibited, her worth underestimated and her values undermined.

The mindset of men as wellas WOMEN should change if we need to succeed.

Amidst all, let us acknowledge the Greetings extended to us on International Women's Day. Let us continue the journey with will and determination. After all journey with all its adventures is more significant than destination.

Jayasala 42

You Might Find These Useful:

The cry of an Indian Daughter