I m a failure

Hi frnds,

Im a silent reader of this forum. I wanted to to share my problem but
was afraid of my husband. Sorry for the long post.

I married at the age of 20. We met on orkut.com. We belong to same caste
so told my parents about him and they said ok. We r south indian so dowry
issue came and i clearly told him we r against dowry and he said ok. But my parents said
we ll give a gift a land on my daughter name in my native. He asked the valuation i said it ll be like 7 to 8 lakhs. So we go married. Forgot 1 point. My father died before my marriage and i wanted to marry soon as i didnt wanted to stay with my elder brother and mom coz in childhood my brother molested me and frm thn we r not in talking terms. I was clise to my father so i married in hurry. After marriage i got to know tht my husband is an alcoholic drinks 5 beers per day and smokes 2 cigarette packs. He was completely irresposible no savings nothing. Evn if i wanted to purchase a dress he would tell i dont ve money. Month end he woukd borrow frm his frnds. I used to work before marriage but i was so afraid to ask him a single rupee. So after 1 monzth his mother died of heart attack she was diabetic. My parents came to our place and my dh created a big drama fully drunk beated me infront of my mother blaming me of his mom death. His sisters supported him. They tortured me and my mom giving bad words till 11 days and thn we ran frm there and came back to pune. In themean time i got to know i was pregnant i told jim and ge slapped me. So after cming back my mom and bro started torturing me tht u loved him and u choosed him and repent. Unable to bear these words i called my dh and he askedme to come back for the sake of baby. So i went back to hyderabad. 1 month was good but again tje same drame beating and giving bad words. So time passed after my daughter was born he lost his job. He came to pune and i worked leaving my 2 months baby. But stil fighted with me for not givibg money for beer and cigarettes. After 1 yr he got job in hyd and we shifted. Now he got his 1 salary and brought 10 beers and beated like hell coz i didnt gave him enough money for beets and cigarettes. time passed one say he sold my whole gold and bought a second hand car even my thalli ie mangalsutram. I thought i loved him so didnt took serious. After 6 yrs of marriage my 2 nd daughter was born and again he lost his job. I went to pune and came back after 1 yr as he didnt had money to eat or for us. I stayed with mom and bro and gave thm montly rent of 5000 rs. My land which my parents said will give i sold and i got 6 lakhs. I gave 2 lakhs for iur house furniture and remaining amt i fixed it. Now pls guys tell me im fed up of this man. Still he is not getting respinsibility to save for atleast daughters sake. I want to leave him but coz i dont want to stay woth parents staying hete. Wht should i do ols help me for my future and childrens future.

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I m a failure