I studied engineering. When I was 19 yes old, my mother started looking for grooms. I denied all the proposals as I wanted to study and work. Then when I graduated, my mother started her emotional drama, my dad would faint and they both would say that they don't want to see me in their home when I'm 23. They want to get me married before that. The trauma was too bad and I accepted to get married but on one condition that I'll marry NRI. I thought this will give me some time but my mother created my profile on bharatmatrimony and my husband (living in Europe) sent me the personal message there.
My husband and I started chatting on skype. He was accounting trainee and we had similar ideologies towards life. So we decided to get married. After marriage reality hit me hard when I realized my husband had some anger episodes. Even I was mad and we both used to have fights and arguments. Sometimes we both would slap each other not realizing that this is domestic abuse.
One day we had an argument and I cut my hand in anger (got stitches there) and that day we both decided to improve ourselves. He loved and fulfilled all my wishes..he did everything to make me happy but I was like in my own fantasy world that time, immature to realize what marriage is.
Anyways, my husband and I worked hard to resolve our arguments, we stopped slapping and blaming each other...now our arguments were only verbal and on irrelevant issues where I was like being stubborn. Then we moved to Canada. DH and I had worked really hard and are financially independent. But it took a toil on my husband to achieve the status in Canada. He was let down by my grandparents who are Canadian citizens. He was being nagged for his smoking habit (smoked once a day) and occasional drinker by them. He was made fun in my family gatherings by saying "do not offer him anymore drinks, he is a drinker"..I fought with my grandparents and parents for hurting my relationship. My support towards him strengthened our relationship and there were no more arguments.
Then my husband moved to Alberta for his job. He was exploited in job and I was given promotion. He was happy for me but someway or the other would show that he had not given the chance and respect he looked for in my family and his work life after we got married. We worked really hard and bought a big house and now we have a 5 month old son. He switched his job and got the respect and appropriate pay he deserved. My parents visited me to help during my delivery and they started nagging about my husband, his eating habits, and compared to how my brother and my mom's brother are and my sisters brother in law are. Argument crossed its limit and my parents left my house and blamed me for not taking their side and left me with upsetting husband. They haven't contacted me once and spread rumours about my relationship and how sad I am in this relationship.
Now my husband says he loves me but I can see that hates me. He hates me for everything and makes me responsible (in any argument) for no love, respect and anything he has got in his life after marriage. He verbally abuses me too and sometimes will be very dominating if I don't listen to him.
There has been recent episodes of his anger and he says that he hates me and my son will hate me too. I know this is verbal abuse and not acceptable but I have no one to talk too. I don't want to end my marriage. I want to save it. Please help me what to do. I feel like I'm unwanted in this life by my parents, my siblings and my husband. I want my husband to love me back. I've lost my love and respect towards him. It seems like I'm living this marriage for the sake of my son. Don't think that my husband is bad. Yeah he has anger issues..and I too have them..but he takes care of both is us so much. Everyday I wake up with a heavy heart. Every night I get a nightmare of living my life alone and that's making me depressed.
I don't want to see a psychiatrist because that won't create love in my husbands heart. He doesn't want to go for marriage counselling. Please you ladies are my last resort. I've written everything here that no one knows. Please don't tell me leave him or that his behaviour is wrong because I know that and he too knows that..but how to create life in our dead relationship?
Depressed marriage
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