I have been a silent reader of this forum at times offering some advice but not really too much. It has been a while since I wrote here so here goes my story.
I come from a traditional south Indian family. I have been married for about 5 years now. No Kids yet. Husband and I got married really young so we decided to wait till we were ready to have kids. The first year of marriage went really smooth- I didn’t realise at the time but apparently my MIL had some complaints about me and my behavior. No one told me this was not right or that it upset them. (these were little things like having an argument about some things with the husband and just not agreeing to somethings like their taste in comedy – it bothered them that I was open about these things. When MIL said she loves a comedian I said I don’t really like him. I was supposed to have said I liked him and started liking him now that I know MIL liked him). Silliest things like this bottled up in my mother in law and husband and one day MIL took me on a long walk and explain how I was supposed to be really nice and say yes to everything my husband’s family and agree and be a part of this new family. That was just about a few things about me. I learned my lesson and never really questioned anything they said and now they are really happy with me as a daughter in law. I always say okay to them even if I don’t think it is the way to go and this has avoided a lot of conflicts for me and although I was not really happy and suffering from the inside. I have not shown it out and they think im really happy with their son and their family.
My husband and his family on the other hand have a LOT of issues with my parents. they have a really bad relationship. Over the course of 4-5 years, according to my husband my parents never really treated him as their own. But that is not the case at all. My parents have not called him every day to ask how he was doing or talk. My inlaws wanted my family to call to keep tabs on how I was behaving at their house, if I was adjusting and everything. My parents are more modern and thought that since there were no complaints from their side everything was okay. I did not go running to my parents every now and then saying my inlaws had complaints about these things. Finally one day, after a year of my marriage my MIL when she went to India, sat my mother down and said how they were really upset with how the relationship was going and that my husband has not really felt welcome in my parents house. My inlaws did not let me come visit my parents in India when I wanted and only said its not our culture to visit parents just to visit unless there is an occasion. Numerous little things like this have now flared up. We have now come down to my parents house for my sisters wedding. My husband and his mom also were staying at our house in this period. They expected a lot of things to be set right during this time which didn’t happen according to their wishes. My husband and his mom were getting ready to leave on a trip to his home town as planned and my mom asked them is everything was okay – My husband erupted and said he has been living in my house like a jail and not really felt welcome. He threw a tantrum like a child who didn’t get his ways left with his mom angry and upset. Anything my parents do for them now and for the past 4 years they perceive it differently and dig to find fault in them. My sisters wedding is next week and my parents are really busy with the preparations and at a loss to see what to do. I am going to his hometown tomorrow to take part in a function. My parents have begged him and apologized in the past. Numerous times. Even after that everything my parents do or don’t do are wrong in his eyes and are supported by his mother. My parents are not ready to apologize this time and are saying that however many times we apologize it has no value. Every word my parents say have become hateful in his eyes and ears.
Please advise as to what I can tell him to calm down and come attend the wedding without any scenes. Any help is appreciated and I will be grateful to all.
Lost and confused. Please help - Urgent.
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