Teachers Day

Teachers Day

A big controversy has been created by the announcement of Guru Divas or something , to replace Teachers Day on Sept 5^th. I feel it could have been avoided.Smiti irani says, it is just a contest, in some 20 plus languages, where u have to write who are the teachers who have influenced u, meaning the student.

Now tell me, take the example of a 5^th standard student. How can he single out one teacher who made a difference in his or her life. Wont the other teachers bash him or her up ? HAHA.

And then there will be teachers later on too in life, and religious Gurus, with whom he will come in contact, who may have a great influence on the person. This is premature now, I feel. Anyway let us move on to my teachers.

I had some great teachers. I joined school in 59 and passed matric, 11^th std in 70 or 71. Those days i feel teachers were better than now. I never took tuitions , and still remember all the formulas of chemistry, the valencies, the short forms of chemicals like Na for sodium, Cl for chloride, Au for Gold, Ag for Silver and so on. Todays kids , well even after tuitions they don’t remember at all.

I could not understand Chemistry equations, nor the balancing. For example , what when two compounds meet, then what happens. We had a lovely Chemistry teacher called Mrs.Saldhana, sho explained it very simply, that I remember them even 50 years later.

She said a compound like Salt for example, is sodium chloride. The formula is NaCl, Na for sodium and Cl for Cloride. So Na is the metal, and Cl is the nonmetal.

So le the metal be for example Husband and non metal the Wife. So the husband of the first compound will react with the wife of the other compound, and take her and run away. In short swapping.Well we never forgot this lesson ever. ( We used to make mistake of combioning metal with metal, hence she explained with this concept, I think only a duffer would not understand it even at that young age)

Hindi and Marati were tough nuts then. Even today I cant read Hindi properly, so I buy the local Hindi paper just to see the orbituaries, so that I can attend the funerals, otherwise who will come to mine !! Not that I will be around to know who came and who did not !!

So I used to buy those cheapo guides, which used to translate all Hindi and Marathi lessons in English, so it was very easy for me to know what the lesson is about. So in the exams, I used to translate the Hindi or Marathi question into English, think the answer in English, and then retranslate it back in simple Hindi. And from a failure , I used to get marks in 70/s, which was pretty good those days.

In the 8^th, we had the option of a third language. This had to continue till the 11^th board exams, for 4 years. We had a choice of Marathi, Sanskrit, or French. Some one told me, that Marathi and Sanskrit being local languages the corrections will be strict, the y will be lenient for French, so take French. So I did.

Our French Sir, was an old parsi, with thick specs. He knew French very well, but could not put it across well. It seems , unlike English, where genders of all things are neutral, we use MY before a chair, table , plane, building etc. In French, MY becomes feminine or masculine, for example Table is masculine, and Chair is feminine, plane is masculine, train feminine.

Can u friends imagine the confusion, of what is masculine and what is feminine ? Well , one day I sat over and brooded over this , over a cup of tea ( as a kid, I had not yet started the Khuswant Singh drink u see !) and I realized how similar French is to Hindi. We say in Hindi as follows, the same worked for French. For example

1) This is my table – Hindi – Yeh MERA table hai (masculine)

2) This is my chair – Hindi – Yeh MERI table hai ( Feminine)

So these too were the same sex in French,meaning what was masculine in English was masculine in French, sorry gender, and I used to score a lot of marks in thegender thing, my friends used to get it wrong, but I kept this a secret from my friends, and came out first for many years in the whole sections. See even kids have trade secrets too eh !

And when we had free periods, when a teacher did not come, someone would come over , and tell us stories, even about Hollywood movies, of cowboys, and it used to be fun.There were love affairs among the teachers, and there was one scandal, where our lady teacher did not come for a few weeks, till we came to know she had eloped with another male teacher of another section.And this babe was married.

So Kamalji has been seeing a lot since he was a kid, but it was Khuswant Singh who shaped me, I used to read his colums and love his corny jjokes at the end , and his writings, and I thought to myself one day I will also write.Well khushwant made money, I am writing for free, but I do get the same satisfaction.

Teachers these days do not have the same commitment, most of them I would say. And I think schools also encourage teachers to cover up the shortfall of less salary by taking tuitions . And I think parents also want tuitions for their kids, but I beg to differ. I think only duffers take tuitions , simple as that, what the hell is the school teacher there for, and what are text books for ? the same things are being taught now, nothing new I guess, besides computers, which the kids wil learn on their own anyway. It is the same maths, physics Chemistry, and all that.

My dad was a businessman, so I took not much interest in studies, though he wanted me to become a Doctor, and I knew how much hard work is inbeing a doctor, and I cant stand blood. Being a businessman was easy, and fun , for we had Americans and Europeans who used to buy from us, and when they came to us, Dad used to take us for dinner to 5 stars with them, and I said, this is life, not that crazy operation room, with blood and all that.

So here I am , an uneducated person, but still satisfied withlife. Life has been fair to me, And for the record, Anil kapoor and Shanker Mahadevan are from my school , don’t laugh when I tell u the name,

OUR LADY OF PERPECTUAL SUCCOUR HIGH SCHOOL, Chembur Mumbai, called OLPS in short.Most friends would think of it as Sucker, though I don’t blame them at all.

Thanks for your patience in reading rather long one, thanks a ton to all of u.

KAMAL MAHTANI

Dino Morea is son of Ganpati Bappa Morea

- Alia Bhatt

What do you call a woman who smiles at u when u leave the house & smiles when u come back;

A neighbours wife!!

Ek Bhootni Haircut Karane Gayi

Insaan Ke Bhesh Me

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Barber: Baad Mein Aao, Busy Hoon!

Aisa Kya Kaha Bhootni Ne K Barber Behosh Ho Gya???

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Sar Rakh Kar Jaa Rahi Hoon,

Step cut kar Dena

Baad Mein Le Jaungie...

: Chote chote Alfaaz insan ko Hamesha ke liye kisi

ka Ghulam bana dete hain

jase ki

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QABOOL HAI

QABOOL HAI

QABOOL HAI

Tv reporter ne Bomb Dhamake me zakhmi Sardar se pucha,

“ JAB BOMB GIRA toh

kya vo zor se phata?“

Zakhmi Sardar - Nahin haraamjade,

woh Rengta hua mere paas aaya aur sharma

ke bola, “Paaji....

THAAA !!! “

[22:19, 02/09/2014] Kamal Mahtani: A man got 2 wishes from God.

He immediately wished for the

best DRINK and the best WOMAN.

He got...

Mineral Water

and

Mother Teresa.

Moral: Investment is subject to market risks.

Please read the offer document carefully

Banta to Santa: What, according to you, is the difference between a wife and a girl friend?

Santa: Wife is like a Demand Draft - trust-worthy all the time;

and girl friend is like a Cheque, which may bounce any time!?

Teachers Day