Going around in circles!

I catch myself feeling that fleeting moment, the surprise, the understanding, the smile that came with the moment. I cannot believe I did that. Was it really true, those meditative few moments I found while clipping flowers for the festival from the yard? Was it the same me feeling that way? Now I know why we need to give flowers to God. It is not the flowers alone, may be it is the act of cutting them from a bush or may be making that garland or even doing that pooja offering one flower after another. I am sure all of those were intended to bring meditative moments into our lives. Sigh! I must surely be growing old is what I think. But how easy it is to miss these moments in our hustle bustle of every day life and put it to down to I will do it when I am older!

But like all those precious moments, I come out of it too soon and my mind drifts. Unlike most of you who celebrate the Ganesha festival with joy, I am more aware of the moon, not that there is no joy! There is a lot of it but I cannot resist that thin sliver of a moon especially during this time of the year! Yes. Year after year I read the story, I try not to look at the moon and end up looking anyways, making a mental note year after year again that I don't have to walk around with my eyes fixed on the sky, at least for a day! Fear of blame or no blame, how can I miss that moon?

Anyways, as I think of Ganesha and that moon, all I can think of is circles, yes, the pot bellied God, how easy it is to create him with a simple circle, how happy we make him by offering prayers by going around in circles and how he won his parents over by doing the same, going around them in that little contest with his brother and not to forget the round sweets!

My mind goes in circles wondering as to why I am drawn to these circles so much today, especially the circle of influence. As I think of a speaker whose circle of influence stretched far and wide in the area of social work, I am also reminded of the children and how small their circle is and yet how content they seem to be - dad's smile, mom’s goofiness. But nothing reminds me more of these circles than taking off in a plane. As I look down, I can see that my circle of influence as I perceive disappear in less than 3 minutes. I know as I land I will have another circle there but still! I have caught myself many a time thinking while taking off, “There…..! All that I believe I am or that I think belongs to me or all those ideas of 'me' disappearing right in front of my eyes”. I do not know why, but this thought always makes the idea of this world simpler and easier and allows me to enjoy the skies better.

Sitting in that plane and looking skywards, watching the layers and layers of clouds with the Sun shining brightly on them, wondering about the Sun that is reaching the Earth down there, I am reminded of that moon again. I smile for despite making an effort not to see the moon, keeping my eyes earthward by not stepping out of the house, drawing the curtains close in the bedroom, dozing off to sleep with a smile for a successful night of staying glued to the ground, I had woken up that morning with somewhat of a confusion and a mild shock, for after all had I not seen the moon? Yes, I had dreams of that thin sliver of a moon shining at the bottom of that dull ball in all her glory. Now as I wonder if I will be blamed for something that I did or did not do, my mind drifts along with the passing clouds thinking of Bach and the clouds telling me -

"A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such a speed, it feels an impulsion... this is the place to go now. But the sky knows the reason and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons."

Yet, today I seem to feel a need to draw more from Bach. So I close my eyes and run through the 'n' number of quotations that seem to have a left an indelible mark on me till I am reminded "You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self. Don't turn away from possible futures before you're certain you don't have anything to learn from them."

Wondering what this dream moon has to bring me this time, yet feeling lighter I step off that plane into the fresh air to the whirring noise of the engine coming to a stop, with a smile and a better understanding, hopefully.

Going around in circles!