So here goes. The history: My friend has undergone a lot in life. She has always been a spirited kind and has taken whatever life has dealt - mainly an auto-immune disorder of a serious kind as well as a dysfunctional marriage - in her stride. Yes, there was a time in life when things were so bad, she had tried to end it all, but then rallied round and learned to handle stuff in a more balanced way. Along the way, she has developed a tremendous resilience (or so it appeared) and has also become more spiritual.
Today she was telling me that her endurance is breaking down and she is finding it hard to keep a stiff upper lip much longer. I tried to dole out some tough love. ( I don't want her to slip into a cycle of self-pity and depression). Told her about others who have so much more in their plates but manage to get on in life. Told her about a young person who is suffering from cancer and obviously all the pain and discomfort associated with such a deadly disease (in addition to family issues) - she is handling the crisis so well. No matter what we suffer from, it is nothing compared to such suffering. My friend immediately responded: "Cancer has a reputation of being deadly and yes, it is. Hats off to anyone who is able to fight it with all they have, but that does not mean that other sufferings are not as great - could be physical, mental, emotional, financial. Up until now I have been trying to deal with my problems and told myself it is nothing major. I succeeded quite well, but now I am having trouble taking it in my stride. Does that make my suffering any less than the cancer patient's?"
Ouch! I had put my foot in my mouth. I had wanted to make her feel better. I certainly had no intention of trivializing her problems. Made me think. Surely, she does have a very strong point there. No one kind of suffering could be less or more than another. It ultimately depends on our individual ability to deal with it.
"A cancer patient either gets a reprieve and survives or dies. Story over. I don't know how long I will have to live, how much worse my problems are going to get" she says.
Despite all her problems, my friend has tried to keep going and give meaning to her life. She is gifted when it comes to music and painting. She keeps herself busy with her hobbies and her housework. So it was a bit of a surprise when she told me that these days she has started viewing these activities as worth nothing more than an effort to justify her existence. I did not know what to say to that. Am sure that is not she, but her despair and pain speaking.
Knowing that she has a spiritual bent of mind, I tried to humour her with talk about the purpose of life, lessons to be learned from life etc. She admitted - rather bleakly - that she probably has to learn a lot more about patience and acceptance, but is willing to give up on school and go home, admitting failure. I had to remind her that there is no question of dropping out of the school of life. One has to inevitably come back to finish unlearned lessons in life.
This conversation did set me thinking. If she believes in Advaita - there being no separation between God and Creation - then whom was she justifying her existence to? To herself? Then she was trying to justify her existence to God. Does she really need to do that?
That apart, is all we do on earth just an effort at justifying our existence? Does it matter whether we do anything or not? Are all our actions just that? Actions for the sake of actions? Actions, because 'it is impossible not to do actions' (Bhagavad Gita)? If we are not the doers, are we just puppets / automatons in the hands of ..... what? Karma, fate, destiny?
I look forward to various perspectives on these questions. I am afraid I am not proving to be much of a Krishna to my friend's Arjuna!
Questions, Questions and more Questions!
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