“Today, I am planning to make deepavali sweets”. “Mom, please let me know what can I do to help?”
“I am thinking of making idli batter for making idlis tomorrow”. “Mom, let me help you grind the batter”.
“We are moving to a new house and the milk booth is far away. Can you come home sharp at 6 p.m. every day after your play so that you can run up to this booth and get milk?” “Mom, Yes I will”.
“Today, guests are coming and I am planning to clean the house”. “Wait mom, let me help you”.
These were conversations between my mother and myself until I was 15 and after that I went to stay in a hostel to start my Pre-University course.
What happened to this nice guy who was always willing to help his mother at home? Did I develop these qualities because I didn’t have any sisters to help my mother? No, not really. I truly enjoyed helping my mother in every domestic work. Now the rewind is over to the bachelorhood period, let us rewind further to the post marriage situation.
“Can you take care of your son so that I can take a little bit of rest? He has been hyper active all day”.
“I had a hectic day at work. I was going to take rest myself. But, it is okay. Let me take care of him for a while”.
“We need to go out and can you get him ready?” “I am not ready myself. But it is okay, let me do it”.
“I have invited a couple of your colleagues with their families. I forgot to get a few vegetables. Can you get it for me?” “Well, you have to prepare a list when you go the market. It is okay, let me get it”.
What was unsolicited offer of help at the young age to the only woman at home, turned out to be a reluctant help when I attained the age of 30-35. Was it because I had the attitude of not helping someone younger than me? Was I afraid that she would take undue advantage with me, if I keep helping her? Was it because I was too tired? No, not really. I truly enjoyed relaxing at home while my spouse worked hard raising the child and taking care of household work.
Let us fast forward to the present. I was asking myself what happened to that nice guy who used to help his mother in domestic work everyday? My mind went to those childhood memories of playful, happy, enjoyable and risk free life. There was no expectations from my mother that I should do something to help her but I volunteered a lot. When I reached the mid age also, if I didn’t do anything to help my wife, she reconciled to the fact I was lazy and continued with her effort to finish the work. She was not expecting me to help her in domestic work. But, I was not appreciative of her efforts. What I lacked was showing my love through help in domestic work whereas she demonstrated her love by raising my only son and through taking care of all domestic work. She did for so many years without complaining one bit to me.
Now, I am 60 years old. When my wife keeps the boiled potatoes out, I voluntarily go and peel the skin. When she starts cutting vegetables, I volunteer to help her. When she struggles to open a bottle, I open it for her. If I notice her suffering from health issues, I go and get the OTC or prescription medicines for her. I notice my son immediately obliging his mother when she asks him to get some drinking water or any other groceries she needed.
I am extending my helping hands to my wife only for the past 6 years i.e. 25 years after our marriage. What changed me to get back to my Good Samaritan character? Is it because I wanted to be an example to my grown up son so that he would help his wife? Do I recognize the same qualities in my wife what I saw in my mother not expecting anything from me after so many years of married life? Is it because my old memories are pleasant, this kind of involvement bring back those pleasant memories?
I am not sure what the answer is to my question and I leave it to the judgment of the readers. At least, it makes me very happy to see my wife happy now.
Where is this nice guy
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