Returns!

There are quite a few occasions where I realized how small I am. Of course we tend to share our success stories with others and the times when we got a recognition or excelled in something compared to where we failed. One reason perhaps, is that the world doesn't pay much of an interest to the loser. Of course, our own ego too refuses to accept it for a long time. We conveniently find someone else to blame and try consoling ourselves, knowing that we too lacked something.

But I feel that there has to be at least one or two with whom we should freely share even our failures, be it friends or elders, or even better, with spouse and if possible, with kids too. I agree that right now I am the greatest hero for my kid, but I also know that this myth will be broken once he grows and again, will be partly or mostly restored when he becomes a father. I see that return as a common thing and could generalize this too to a certain extent, because of my interactions with many others and reading too [and this is between father and son in general]. There are always exceptions of course and there are a few who are devoted fully to their fathers / mothers and that will never be wavered at all. And there is the other extreme which I don't wish to get in to, at least in this post.

My father is so fond of books and wanted to have his own library for a long time. Due to financial constraints and due to friends and relatives too [who eagerly took the books, but never returned], this was a mirage for him. Finally, he started buying books, bound them and even bought an old wooden almirah, which was so spacious that a five foot lean man can sleep comfortably in one of the shelves. And there were 6 shelves in it. It was full of books arranged in an order and the top row had registers that listed each and every book, assigned a number according to the shelf and grouped by authors alphabetically. In the bottom most row, I spotted a book which missed first 50 pages and probably god and my dad might know, many pages in the end. It was a copy of "Thiruvasagam ", the divine work on Lord Siva, by Manickavasagar , a great devotee. I did not know much about it then and asked him why that book was there. He took it, unfurled a page in a delicate fashion, like touching a newborn and said, "This is the first and the only prize that I got in school! I got a cash award of Rs. 108-/- along with it and my father was so happy, saying it equaled six months of his starting pay! I could never forget his face at that time and the extent he was moved. I felt so proud!". I was moved too and kept it from where I took, then knowing the value of the book.

Recently, I was awarded a certificate for my technical contribution in my job and I received a framed certificate for that. Of course my parents were happy when I showed them. I showed it to my five year kid too and he said, "What? A certificate for you?". By now he is used to them as he has a lot of them for winning in competitions. This one was kept in a suitable packing and that might have aroused his interest. He did not say anything, but shook my hand and went ahead to play. The next day happened to be a bad one for me, where whatever came to me had 'Urgent' written in visible and invisible mode and with suitable names marked, to highlight it a hundred times. I came home late, deflated, and was surprised to see my kid still awake. As I entered the room he was in, he was taking the certificate out and moved his fingers delicately along the glass, not aware of my presence.

It gave me not just a relief, but a lovely reminiscence too!

Returns!