My first daughter is 8 years old and is a darling for me and my husband. We loved and celebrated her from her birth. All these changed once my second one arrived. I mean it is just me... My husband is still having the same unconditional love towards both the kids.
But for me... when I was carrying the second one, I was completely normal. I had special feelings towards my elder one. In fact I used to pray and talk to my womb that he/she should take care of her sister no matter what, etc. When my second one was born, she is also a girl, no problem until one year. But after that. I feel that I no more have any love towards my first daughter. I dont like to hug her or kiss her. Worst, I dont like her hugging me or kissing me. It is so obvious that she is lonnnnnnnnging to have my love but somehow I always show a bad face to her. But when she goes away to school or when she is sleeping, I simply cry and get overwhelmed in love thinking about her or looking at her. She has openly complained me that I love the baby and not her. Though I deny this to her... I feel so guilty. Sometimes I act as if I am too good to her. Sometimes I fake smiles and kisses. That makes me sick.
While the second one definitely grabs my attention, I wonder how come there is no more love lasted for the elder one? Every night I swear that I should be even more kind and loveable to both my daughters but when it comes to the day time I become so irritable and uncomfortable with my elder one. I dislike all that she does. I appreciate her successes like a star in notebook or song well done. I listen to her school stories. I love cooking her favourite food. I love shopping for her. Even when I read newspaper I will save some interesting news to be shared with her. But even a small mistake of hers like not putting away her used uniforms, will make me mad and will shout at her. That makes her sad.
Please help me... am sooooooo depressed and feeling ashamed of myself.
No love for first daughter
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