We are three sisters and I am the last one. My father planned very well to do the marriage of all 3 of us before his retirement. He did it. I got married a decade back. Few meetings before marrige between my family members and my husband,my husband found few odd things. First my husband started all marraige dealings with my maternal uncle who is a local person in same city. Me and my husband are from a different city which need 7 hrs train travel.First of all my husband didnt like my uncle at all because during the very first meeting he lied for few things like wearing spec is not really neccesary(but I am wearing a power glass) she can work after marriage (but I am not committed for working). also few arguments for buying bed size and also pinpointing the budget in front of him when they took my husband for buying suits. one big argument was we are Iyers and only in our family women also wear sacred thread which I was also wearing with my very own wish becoz I wanted to chant Gayathri mantra and I was told and grew up in that way. you can imagine its a small family cult,the guru is my mother's parents and I was grew up with faith and beliefs from my birth. My husband was not told about this
But I didnt know any of the arguments and clashes my husband had with my uncle. My husband and me talk a lot over the phone and sometimes do skype. Like that on a casual talk I told that my uncle's daughter is going to have upanayanam. I didnt know that I have to hide this to my husband. He was shocked and surprised and asked me that are you also wearing the thread. I said Yes!. That's it! He again went to my uncle's house and questioned him what is going on, we were not told about this and my uncle said this is not a big deal at all if your family does not want her wear then she can very well remove it!!!!!! Again I was not told about this argument these are all before marriage. My husband smelled that something is wrong with the family but WE BOTH ALREADY STARTED LOVING EACH OTHER!! we met each other 5 or 6 times between the enagement and marriage and he showed me the land he bought and very soon he is going to build the house and dreaming that I am the queen and all those wonderful dreams and we talk a lot about how much he loved me and he made me very comfortable that I dont feel that he is new pewrson in my life. For that and more than that I STILL LOVE HIM!
Marriage was done in a very well elaborated manner with all respect with respect both families were very happy. This was lasted for 2 months. Then problem started. My husband built a beautiful dream house. I started working with hubby full encouragement becoz I was not good in english so with all positive attitude I started my work. We had our house ceremony and that was very successful. after that shifting to the new house. there the problem started. There was distant relative function in my city which i was requesting my husband that I want to go. But he was saying that we need to do shifting so you have to take leave. By the time he came to know that I am influenced by my maternal crowd. So I went to that function and told my husband that I cant take leave more than 2 days because I was a fresher and took leave for the distant relative function. My idea is if I go to that function I can meet all of my relatives. But that was my MISTAKE! All problem started from there. Arguments, arguments, complaints on me for each and everything, and I was told by my one of Aunt that we should not postpone the first child. I was arguing for that. So my husband unable to handle all of those so he decide dto have child with lot of friction only. He had lot of plans like have to plan for 2 years. first understand each other. He want to take me to US before we have child and good intimacy has to have before child all those colourful dreams even after those arguments.
He beleived his love that he had for me so he agreed to have child. That was a MISTAKE! I got conceived and the problem became worse and worse. I was having a very bad morning sickness started losing weight and was unable do any work and dont have interest on anything because the friction is getting very intense. people who played a vital role in influencing me is my uncle, his wife, my 2nd elder sister and my older brother in law and ofcourse my parents. apart from them I dont know who else was in the background. I was like daily my husband pick up something for the fight and in turn i will have long face and he will be more upset. inbetween the above said people will call me and influenced me. My mind set is i dont know anything good or bad. I started giving daily activies and and if any fight happened that will also go to them thro me and they gave advice like you react like this that.... This is all during my pregnency. An dmy uncle and father manipulated that my husband is torchring me and he needs some intervention. My elder brother-in-law started threatning my husband saying that there is a case against you for dowry harrasment. again MISTAKE!! he torchered my husband for 10 days. All drama done by my uncle and father and they used bil for that. My bil started send messages like there is police case on my husband and started to threaten like police is going to come to your house anytime. My husband was shattered and shocked and feared and it was a big trauma for him. these things happened without my knowledge they all hided from me becoz i was pregnant. a police woman came to my parents house asked for the signature saying that my husband is not keeping me well. Fortunately I refused very strongly and said there was a small family misunderstanding between me and my husband and we can sort it out with in our family. Thank you for taking care. If I need anything I will let you know. Currently I dont need your help. Then I called my husband, he also told me the same thing that he has to sign a document saying that he will keep his wife safely and the content is all one sided putting my husband's family in hell. My husband fortuanately didnt sign that and he has had his lawyer with him. WORST DAYS IN OUR MARRIAGE!!! then my IL's came for compromise by doing seemantham function and called all our family and it was done in a very grand manner but my husband was feeling like he was standing in a very sharp thorns hurting his ego very badly. This happened in 2005
Now this turns into vengence, grudge, retaliation feeling, all kinds negative feelings....:( My husband first step is stopped going to any of our relatives including my parents. Then our baby was born and after 2 months only we came to know that has Downsyndrome!!!:( Another shock, non-acceptance, crying... I started slowly realising that I should keep a big distance from my family members. My husband lost all his love on me and our relationship is completely gone. everyother day he use to tell me what has happened to him because of our family. why this is happened to me? "all I wanted is to start a beautiful and colorful life with you in my dream house. I loved you so much and you in part with your family betrayed me" I AGREE WITH MY HUSBAND!! I lost my life and he lost his life. But still we as a husband and wife tried much to patch up by going for vacations but our baby was born with DS so that is reminding him all the bad things happened to him everyday. pinpointing and blaming.................................. I kept quiet whenever he shouts and yell at me. Sometimes with frustration i will give it back with few insults that he didnt to me but those are all became very tiny in front of what my family did to him.
Very unique life god has given me! I donno how to move next:(
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