Suffocating life... Need to breath now...

Hello sisters,

Sorry for this long post.... I need your help!

We have been married for some 10 years now. It was a love cum arranged marriage.

It was me who proposed to my husband first, and chased after him for some 3 years to convince him for a marriage. He was from a poor family compared to ours. Also they were low caste people (if at all cast matters), and my husband did not have a shining career, but I was earning really well then. So, my parents initially opposed to this marriage due to social reasons.

However, I somehow convince them and we all went ahead for the marriage preparation. This is where my in laws created a lot of issues as if they were not ready for this marriage, and they were looking some "good matches" than this. At the last moment, even after the wedding cards were printed, we could not do anything. But because of me, my parents had bent over backward to please in laws and made our wedding a success one.

In the meantime, we had to give in a lot (lot of our ego, money, and other things) to please our in laws.

I still feel sad for this, because some 10 years back I did not have any courage to think otherwise.

My so loving boyfriend had suddenly changed to a rude husband over-night. He always stood by his parents, and criticized my looking, my background, my parent's upbringing etc..etc.. He always made me cry or feel pity for who I am.

Then as compensation for marrying me, he would ask me to give all my earnings to him. I would religiously follow what he ordered me. He would make all the decisions of our family (even though we were living separately from in laws since marriage). That including the family planning, my job, when to buy a house, where etc..etc.. but he would only use my earnings or the dowry which my parents gave us. His entire salary would be transferred to his parents. I was not at all informed about any happenings around me, but just forced to sign in papers as per his orders.

He would always threaten me to leave or stop loving me. I was so longing for his love then. Further, I was unable to open up to my parents about this lost-marriage since they were already against this marriage. They were supper angry on me for making them bend over backward for my selfish love. Now if I tell them about my issues, they won't respect me. So, I kept everything within me for many years.

But, I would fake to the world as if I am in a normal marriage. My husband knew my weakness (to behave normal before others due to self respect), so he would threaten to treat me otherwise before others to get things done by me.

So, somehow others got to know the issues happening with us, so they eventually got involved to support us. Due to this, there were a lot of fights, black mails and what not. But at last, my husband promised to behave his self with me.

After the birth of my first child, things turned normal. I had a say in my own home. I had a chance to save and invest on my name.

My husband would act as if he is a normal husband. We had our ups and downs, but life was totally different from what I faced in the past. May be we lived in a different city, which is very far from in laws.

So, I decided to bring a sibling to my child. Since I had the total financial control in my family (because my earning will be used for family needs, and his earnings will be sent for in laws), I thought that I am capable of raising both my kids even during the bad case scenario.

Now that my husband would act as if he is a looser. He would fake a fragile ego, and stop whatever I plan to do.

Now that our in laws came to live with us. Not in our house, but in an adjoining house.

If I want to place a Goddess' idol in my pooja room, my husband would say NO. If I still insist, he would say he would want to add some 15 more idols, which is not practical.

If I say, I need to cook egg someday to my kids, he would say he needs beef. Which is not acceptable for me

Likewise, we are a complete missed match. I am all for whatever his likes. I have more than bent over backward to be with him. But lately, I see he is taking me for granted. He is faking a fragile ego and not letting me to move even an inch in my marriage. I feel, I am so restricted.

As for yesterday, I told him that we should buy a car. To which he said no.. If so, it will be gone in an accident.

I said, we must make an almyrah in our son's room. To which he said, no.. Don't do that. if you do, I will leave

Today, I said, we must put some sand to our garden space, as it gets wet often.. not good for kids to play. He said No... Don't do that.

But he does bring stuff, and do things which is completely hatable for me. He does things with his parents behind my back, and somehow force me to accept.

Him saying No has no ground except they were not in line with his father's priority.

I am capable of living a better life than this, but due to my husband's and in laws' interference I am unable to move towards a better life. That includes my kids' school, family status and all. Not that we save money by not making things, but we only waste them.

When my brothers and sisters and everyone are capable of living a decent life, I feel much restricted because of him.

Somehow, I can not do things against his wish... But it is suffocating me... Pls help me how to face and win my life.

Suffocating life... Need to breath now...