Seeking some diplomatic advises AGAIN...

Hi all...

All your advises have been like the best mind medicine I have received in bringing

about the due transformation to my life for the past 2 months...I am here again..

Last time my FIL was unwell I went and visited him at the clinicand did my bit without having to go to in-law home.

Now again I am having a dilemma.

Next week happens to be FILs fathers death anniversary ceremony. FIL is expecting me badly to be a part of the ceremony as he wants to feel that I am a part of his family!! DH is pressurizing me a lot to come down to the temple for the ceremony lunch at-least and go back.

DH never attends such ceremonies! But I insisted that I will think over (till i take the IL forum advises ;)) and let him know, provided he also assures of attending the function.

But facing the MIL woman is like salt on wounds.

DH has gone for his weekend visit, and when I explained to DH over the fone that I will be stressed if I come please do not force me, he got raged!!!!

He accused me of escaping from all family events in the past 2 months and asked me how long I will keep the "grudge" on his mom and if for r a lifetime I will not go to his parents home...I told him I may for go to his home some day in future for his Dads sake, but not mom.

He said i cannot do that way as mom will always be with dad.

I am kind of deeply pained to think that he expects me to forget it all!!!!!!

If so Why dont I leave him also he said..................

I was taken aback by these words!

Of late we have been having a lot of tiff regarding religion, ritualistic rules, feminism etc., but we deal with them fine by the next morning...

My concern now is that DH dosnt realize that its is not GRUDGE over his mom, but the PAIN caused by her which makes me stressed to see her face! How can he conclude this way???? I am more hurt thinking about this!

More importantly,

1. should I go to the ceremony and prevent anger from DH and an upset FIL?

2. If I go, then how do I behave with the MIL woman or behave in general??

DH will expect that I speak!! I am so shaken and nervous!!

I need my words ready even if FIL asks me to visit home!

Helpppppp

Seeking some diplomatic advises AGAIN...