Would you go ? Please advice what I should do

Hi IL's,

Hope you are doing well. I wanted to share my worries and seek your advice on what I should be doing.

Here's the scenario:

I live in the US with my husband and 2 kids. Life since my marriage was awful. Since day 1 of my wedding my In Laws created hell in my life. Long story short, its been 10 years now and the wounds they have made has still not healed. They were never happy for us in any of our happy moments (like having kids, buying a house etc and were never there for us when we needed somebies help like undergoing a surgery etc). My husband and I have handled everything all by ourselves in the US. They have 3 sons and my hubby the eldest. They gave emotional troubles to my hubby and me and are extremely nice and generous to the other 2 sons and 2nd DIL. They all live in India.

My hubby's last, 3rd brother is getting married. They all want us to go for this wedding. My IL's especially my MIL has become sooooo sweet all of a sudden with me and my hubby. Since last 10 years she has only created problems and talked ill about me and my husband. She even spoiled our name in front of all the relatives by telling all lies about us. Now she is talking to me so nice and acts like she cares for me. The only reason being that they want us to attend the wedding. They did the wedding of the 2nd son without us and now since people will talk ill about them if we do not go, they want us to be present for the wedding else people will ask where are your older son and DIL and kids.

My situation in the US is, I have one 7 year old child and my 2nd one is almost 2 years old and will be 2.5 years old during the wedding. I have never been to india since last 7 years. It will be the 1st time for my kids. My 2nd one is especially very troublesome with food and other things. Its been so many years since we went to India, so if we go this time we will have travles to many God Places/Temples which are in other cities, his wedding is in another city. So totally it will be a lot of travel.

My side family betrayed us with our money and broke our trust. My mom created rifts amongst us sibling and made me look like I am the bad person and created fights among us siblings by telling them lies about me. The reason she did this was because she thinks I am in US so I have lots of money and that I should be not given any property (I never asked for any property in the 1st place. I am a very self doing person and do not expect anything from others.) We have distanced my side people since they were ruining our peace of mind.

So most of our stay in india will be in Hotels. I am getting worried if the kids will take in so much hotel stay, food adjustment from hotels, so much travel to different places etc? I am specially concerned with my little one who will be 2.5 years old.

Also, a little background on the impact I've had mentally and emotionally due to all the happenings from my side family and my husbands side family. I have suffered immensely in the last 10 years due to all the happenings from India or rather hurt given by both side people. I even lost my job becasue I was unable to control my emotions and I had a very bad boss just like my MIL. Since I had so much baggage emotionally and mentally I was unable to handle my boss who was so political.

Since then life has been without a career. Now I am trying hard to get back to work. After several such losses and events, my husband and I decided that we will distance ourselves from both side family since they are only giving us pains and worries which is affecting out normal life. I would even take the anger out on kids.

After distancing them, our life was a little peaceful. Now due to the wedding they are calling us and trying to be nice. I am worried to go to the wedding for so many reasons. Can even accommodate the kids discomfort and travel part, but I am thinking is it even worth it to make this trip when we are not getting anything out of it just mere discomfort. Is it worth to put the kids undergo so much trouble ? When we wanted people's help nobody was there for us is it fair for us to go there for the wedding ?

Should we just follow their path and do what they did. Do things at our comfort level. Go to india when it is comfortable for us. So we and the kids can enjoy the journey.

My other biggest worry is - Wedding are very stressfull as it is, what if these people or all their relatives say something bad which will hurt me ? What if I again get into the emotional distress and start loosing myself ? It will hurt my kids upbringing, my personal life etc. Should I walk the path again or be around the people who have hurt you so much all the last 10 years ?

Please advice on what you think is the right thing for me to do. Your suggestions/advice will be highly appreciated.

Thank you.

You Might Find These Useful:

Would you go ? Please advice what I should do