Companion

Despite all health issues, all of us are back in the US on Sunday and was very happy to see my son and grandson happily welcoming us back home. Every time, I fly long hours, overwhelming thought would take control of myself embarrassing me most of the time being so non-responsive to the air-hostesses and fellow travelers. It could be someone I knew or something I contemplated about without any success in the past. This time is no exception and the long direct flight from New Delhi to Newark Liberty International was 14 and half hours and I don’t normally spend most of the time sleeping nor watching TV programs. This time it was about someone who remains with me forever no matter how much ever I try to shrug her off to have some personal time to myself.

Between the two of us we have a love/hate relationship. Sometimes, I feel like sobbing aloud keeping my head on her lap seeking help from her to make me alright while other times, I really want to stay as far away from her as possible to experience the worldly pleasure without any inhibitions and being controlled by her. She is very rigid, capable of taking me away in a flash from all my happiness and a person of uncertainties. There is not a time in the day that I am not afraid of her whether I am sick coughing and lying in bed unable to get a good night sleep or when I am blasting off with my friends enjoying Monday night football game along with a tailgate event. Answering her is always difficult no matter what situation we face as she gives no time to think nor our explanations makes any differences to her.

Every one of us are blessed with her and some of us are very keen to understand every minute details of her spending the entire life preparing themselves for her while others just ignore her altogether thinking that let her be the nuisance she is whenever she decides to be one. She is an inevitable companion with only her knowing everything about me and me having no understanding of her.

I have attended several events in the past where many of my revered earlier generation, my generation and even next generation friends and relatives and even kids who were born recently succumbed to her with no clue as to how to handle her with courage. In situations like that I only have words of high appreciation for the character of those who succumbed to her and I walk away knowing not even an iota more about her.

There are several books that provide guidance as to how to handle her. Many learned individuals share their rich knowledge about how to handle her but obviously none of those advices appears to have any effect in me learning anything more. Many times, I stupidly think that I can gain all knowledge in the world that would help me conquer her eventually but gaining knowledge to that extent is easier said than done.

The only option available appears to be to live in the present moment and enjoy the nature around me that are specifically wired to the best of my interest, enjoy the presence of people around me who have come into existence for the same reason why I came into existence, enjoy watching the Sun rise and set with a purpose, enjoy watching my thoughts come and go and hold on to some of them that appears to have some strong connections to my purpose, enjoy practicing contentment by holding everything I possess in trust as though I am unattached to anything and anyone, enjoy putting a ceiling on my desires and eliminate them one at a time and enjoy learning to consider my experiences with equanimity whether they are good or bad with similar mindset.

Let me reconcile to the fact that she is going to stay with me throughout my life no matter what and her uncertain nature is not going to change forever. I may not have the generosity to welcome her uncertainty at an inappropriate time but I can attempt to learn more about her without that effort affecting my day to day life. I can reconcile to the fact that she is with me for a reason to give me a fresh start at some point of time. I don’t care whether her presence is a beginning or an end of life but I can learn to thrive on her uncertainty by doing as much as possible today.

Adi Sankara declared, “If I have knowledge with me, I have no fear to embrace death”. If I am truly a divine being, I have that knowledge and my challenge is how to access, assimilate, understand and experience it to achieve immortality.

Companion