Marriage or a war ?

I always used to think that marriage is the new beginning that changes our life for good. I will become a part of the new family and will have to learn and adapt to their ways. I always thought that if you are ready to make compromises and adjustments then you surely have a smooth relationship with in laws, but does it really happens? I mean, Does this supposedly new family even accepts you as an equally important member? The answer is a big "No", the so called new "mom - dad" misbehaves at every given opportunity despite of you being even younger than half of their age. They compete and throw tantrums like a kindergarten kid, but you are still expected to workout the relationship because thats how in laws are. If you tell your own parents how much mentally stressed you are, they show sympathy but ask you to adjust and ignore all negativity, sarcastic remarks etc. The cherry on the cake is your SIL and BIL, who are supposedly your new siblings, but well they are far from even becoming your friends. They don't even make any efforts to know you as a person and judge you from the opinion their parents have about you. The whole relationship starts at the note of "oh she is going to snatch our son or brother from us". No matter how much you do for them, you are still termed as wicked and if their son supports you then you are glorified TV serial Vamp who got married in their house with some hidden motive like my MIL says " I did some vashikaran on her son before marriage and that's the reason he married me, except if he would have never loved a girl like me".

When I hear others' stories about their in laws or talk to my friends, I realize that more than a marriage, its a never ending war. As if your husband is some territory and two countries are fighting to claim on it. With the course of time and all the negativity surrounding your marriage, one start getting insecure that what if one day my husband will stop supporting and blame for not being able to stay patient or build a good relationship with his parents or family (incase of husbands who really support and protect). In some cases where husbands are oblivious to the torture their wives go through and blindly support their parents, the insecurity amongst wives is even higher. Do we really marry for all this? If I talk about myself, I have really turned very insecure, vengeful and pray that karma hits them hard for destroying my peace of mind and making me a different person today. Sometimes, I feel disgusted when I retrospect about my actions, like spying my husband by checking his email, whatsapp, call details to check if there is any message from his family about me. I was never such an insecure and negative person, despite of having dealt with a troubled childhood, I was always an optimistic and carefree person. Now, all I think about is not losing out my husband to his family. Whenever my husband talks to his mom, dad or sister, I feel Jealous and just don't want him to talk to them at all. At one point, I feel like a wicked woman who is trying to separate a son from his family, but the next moment I find all the reasons to justify my behavior and thoughts. In my constant fear, I have stopped having an open communication with my husband, I only talk what pleases him, so that he doesn't feel negative about me. Am I not ruining my relationship in wake of not losing out to my in laws?

If marriage is all about fighting a constant battle and becoming a different person altogether, then I really wish, I shouldn't have married. Sorry for the long post, this was brewing inside me from many days.

Marriage or a war ?