Anyways, inspite of my resistance, my family would not give up, and would invite random guys to the house that they thought were "suitable" and for me to talk to.
They had no background and didn't even ask if he was available before setting up these dinner dates at home. So, I rebelled, and rather than coming home would go watch as many indian movies as humanly possible to kill time.
Well, I realized my parents really wanted to get me married and I wanted to be a good daughter and give them what they wanted. So, my plan was to marry my friend, who was also extrememly pressured (our first date, he asked me when we should get engaged due to pressure from his father).
I didn't want to live ducking around and didn't want my parents to feel like they had failed and to keep feeling outside pressures from family, so I accepted.
I figured this would be best all around. Me and my husband had talked about all of this, and figured we knew each other and our personalities matched (as well as receiving pressure from friends, so that wasn't even an outlet).
I told him that I have conditions. I wanted to know he could support me, I wanted to not move more than 15 mins from my family, and I do not want to live with his family unless mine were living with them also. I do not believe one family is more valued than the other.
My husband agreed.
He proposed in the apt (no planning required there). During our engagement the old people wanted to talk about a wedding date. I told them (even prior to engagement that I wanted more time, however nobody listened).
A friend of mine told me that we should do the wedding as 50/50. Well his family didn't pay for more than a 1/4. I paid for majority of it (no, I didn't ask my parents for money). My FIL even wanted to add his sons pithi into my wedding package so that he wouldn't have to pay for it, but I managed to outsmart him).
I should have read the signs, but I DIDN'T. I paid $14k for the wedding, $6k for the honeymoon and for an international flight later. He said he didn't have the money. He also didn't tell me he was in debt (so his credit was bad)
They were cheap in giving me wedding gifts. Around $21 and pearl necklace and a simple sari.
I was neglected by my husband for 2 years. He would work all day, then come home and spend 30-45 mins at in laws apt (my husband, BIL and I lived in one apt, and inlaws with grannie and uncle in another), then he would come to our apt, play video games with his friend and bil and then go to sleep.
There was no romance. FIL is so verbally demanding and loud that he demands to be taken shopping everyday and ride around wastefully all day.
I sometimes forgot I had a husband.
The grannie yelled at me when I reached for salt instead of sugar to put in tea. She yelled at me for no less than 5 mins in my ear, while my husband smiled and tried to relax me.
My best friend stayed with me, and my FIL of course has the key to our apt, and walked in without knocking...her dog was with us in the apt and my FIL started yelling at me and then left.
I mean, my FIL is absolutely ridiculous. They moved from 6 hours away to be with their sons. Then, he decided to move back to where they moved from. Then, the following year moved back to near us.
When they moved to their former city, my husband was devastated. He had quit his job previously because he didnt want to work with the type of people he saw everyday, it was an unsafe area, so I agreed.
He was out of work and had every excuse in the book to not get a job.
I was getting increasingly frustrated working 40+ hours a week, just started school and I would see him just hanging around and not applying for anything.
He would get touchy, and I recalled every time we used to sit at In LAWS apt, his dad would talk endlessly about how junky this area is, and how we have to pay taxes to obama and talk about other peoples business. In other words, very negative. I couldn't stand it.
I was in a car accident, so I had to quit my job because they didn't have any part time positions for me, and I also had to go to therapy. So It was a very stressful time for us. My husband didn't have a job, once he did, he wanted to quit shortly after he started. I know my FIL was a huge influence on my husband. I got angrier at my husband for not taking initiative, and I was also in pain from my back injury. I lessened social activities mostly because of pain in the beginning but also lack of understanding on the part of my friends. I started to fall into a depression, and it got pretty bad between me and my husband. Our friends started turning against me (for stupid reasons), and I would hear a lot of insults from them, and my husband would not stick up for me, instead, the opposite and continued merry converstations with them. That was the last straw for me, I became enraged and texted his friend back with insults and I told my husband to go and get a job this day.
2-3 days later, he called a meeting with me and my parents.
He announced to us all he wanted a divorce. I was thinking the meeting was to talk about how to celebrate my upcoming birthday. I didn't know this was going through his head even though it was pretty bad between us.
My parents were mad that he didn't discuss this with me first. He was afraid to talk to me he said.
He said he wanted to move to the other city where his parents were. I said, with you leaving me and me and your brother sharing an apt, it will make us look bad.
Why am I suffering when I am working full time, going to school fulltime in one of the most stressful careers, balancing a back injury, and he just goes to my FIL whim.
The weekend that my husband and BIL were visiting their parents, I was alone.
I felt like committing suicide. I had given everything, i was neglected, and my husband would listen to his father and not to me. I rememebred that I had pain medicine from my injury and thought of ending it that way. Nobody would find me until three days later. But I also thought it might not work, they would pump this out of my stomach. Also, what about my family? I couldn't put them through this. That was the only reason I didn't do it.
I was emotionally paralysed. I couldn't bear the thought that my husband wanted this. I told him no papers, we can just separate. I asked him what if you find someone over there in the other city? He said he wasn't sure.
It will be 9 mons in two days that this happened.
Since then, my husband said he was willing to try again. I never told him that I accepted, but decided to just stay on the low.
It stayed with me that he wanted to leave me at my lowest time. What security is there that he won't do the same if something happens again?
Things seem rosy because I am pretending. I have never told anyone this whole thing.
My inlaws are moving back and recently bought a four bedroom house. They didn't sit down with me and my husband to find out what our plans are. They merely assume we will follow along like puppets. I want to have my own house and have privacy FOR THE FIRST TIME with my husband.
My husband doesn't have enough money to put toward a deposit for a house. I do not see us having a future together.
My FIL gets angry and condesceding the first time my husband talked about us finding a place of our own.
MY FIL randomly said that I would pay $200-$300 / mon whatever I could afford (how nice, NOT) toward this great big new house. Umm, excuse me, I am working part time and barely managing my own bills without asking them for financial support, and how is he telling me NOT ASKING me to pay toward this house that I dont even want to live in? We have our apartment until this july. I am thinking of moving back into my parents home and starting a new life. My brother has cared for me my whole life and never asked for a dime. My parents have done so much for me and neevr asked me for money...If i was going to give anything to anyone it would be to my immediate family.
I jsut want to run away, and not be a part of this cheap family
In Laws
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